Invisible Hands

Hi there my Yemma-lou,

Before I get started I just want to say that your Mom made your hair look sooo cute today.  It framed your pretty face and girly features so well and you were just adorable.

Now, to start off, let me remind you of how you like to sleep.  You are a master mimicker or you and Noah are just kindred spirits, because you both like to sleep on your knees....that's right.  and I don't mean while praying, or at least i'm not aware that's what you are doing before you fall to sleep.  Imagine sleeping on your stomach and then tucking your legs underneath you, and that's how you and Noah sleep.  When you are congested and have a cold it just sounds so sad, and you do NOT like to sleep on your back!

You and Noah are also great sleepers.  Caleb was too until he got a little older, so we'll see what happens with you two.  Here's where you and Noah are opposites in sleeping.  When Noah sleeps, you can't even see him.  He's usually under a couple blankets, and a pillow, smothered into the darkest corner of his bed he can find.  You on the other hand are often sleeping on top of your blankets out in the middle of the mattress. No matter how cold it might be, or how warm your pajamas are, or how we leave you when we put you to bed, that's how you end up.

Maybe I've been partially responsible for your sleep habits.  If I just let you freeze a few night's maybe you'd learn to keep your blankets on....but I don't.  I sneak in after you've fallen asleep and cover you up.  Last night as I snuck in right before going to bed myself, I covered you, and then thought about how you'd never know I did that for you night after night.  I thought about how you might be dreaming of walking through the tundra without a coat, and then your dream would shift to snuggling into a blanket by the fire as you warmed up, and you wouldn't even know why, you'd just feel happier, and comforted and hopefully, loved.

Now make no mistake, I'm definitely not claiming to be a great Dad.  I have my faults, and weaknesses that I'm trying to improve.  But in the quiet of the night, looking down at my little 20 month old girl, covering her up and whispering, "I love you, babygirl", I feel like a good Dad. and it brings me joy to know there are things I can do to be there for you and let you know I love you.

Now, I didn't write this letter to herald my great deeds, nor did I write it to make sure you knew what i did for you.  I wrote it for three reasons:

1) There are invisible hands that touch our lives all the time.  People who love us so much, that make our life better with or without us even knowing it.  People close to us who share love, or sacrifice for us.  A loving Father in Heaven imparting his love.  Yet-to-be-born children, or a brother or uncle who've already passed away working anonymously for our benefit.  That feeling you have right now...that's the Spirit testifying truth.  Another invisible hand building testimony, and helping you feel the love your family and your Father in Heaven have for you.

2) Do your best to recognize when someone around you tries to help you, and be grateful.  Sometimes it isn't the best help, sometimes it isn't something you asked for, and sometimes it can be a profound experience on your life, but be grateful.

3) There is an indescribable joy that can be felt when serving others.  Sacrificing your own comforts or desires to lift others.  Sometimes silently, sometimes not so much, but look for those opportunities.  Think of others and their situations and don't be afraid to reach out to them.  Give of yourself, and I promise you'll find joy in being those invisible hands, even if it is simply helping your sweet little angel be a little warmer at night.

Love,
Daddydoo

Leave Yourself at the Door

Dear Caleboo,
The other night your Mom and I sat down to relax at the end of a fairly long day.  We were tired and anxious for a break from the days stresses.  About 5 minutes into it you called out from your room for us and I came in to see how you were doing and get you all tucked in again.  We said "I love you" again and you settled in and I went back to be with your Mom.  A few minutes later we were all settled in and comfortable again and you called out again.  This time your Mom went in to see what you needed.

I was a little frustrated that our nice night kept being interrupted and imagined what I'd do if you called out a third time.  As I thought about that I thought that if you kept calling out, you probably just wanted a little more attention than we were giving you.  I thought about times I have a hard time falling asleep, and how grateful I am when your Mom stays up longer than she could reasonably be expected to, just to try to help me go to sleep.  I thought of how that makes me feel loved and important, and I decided that if you called out a third time, I was going to do that for you.

Mom came back and we got settled in to enjoy our evening again.  Sure enough, a couple minutes later came the call from our Caleboo who's "blanket isn't working".  I started to feel upset, and then reminded myself of how you might be feeling.  I told your Mom I'd take care of it and as I walked out I voiced out loud "leave yourself at the door, Dad".  The reason I said that is because I was also thinking of how I was going to make sure I let you know that you were making my night hard, and you needed to learn to be respectful of other's time.  I knew I couldn't really make you feel loved and important, if I was focused more on myself, so I had to choose.

As I left the room and entered your room, I committed to leave behind my selfish desires and just focus on you.  As I did that I was filled with the love I feel for you.  I walked in, gave you a big hug, and asked if you wanted to sit with me.  I barely finished the sentence before you had grabbed a blanket to come cuddle with.  You climbed up onto my lap as I sat in the bean bag chair and just let me hold you.  We sang "Give said the little stream" and "Teach me to walk in the light" together and just sat there enjoying being together.  I was probably only in there for 10 or 15 minutes, but I think we both felt so much better afterwords.  You went to sleep without another word, and your Mom and I were still able to enjoy our night, even if it wasn't how we'd initially envisioned it going.

I think a lot of our relationships in life could be improved if we just tried more often to leave ourselves at the door.
Love,
Daddydoo