I can do it!

 Dear Noahroo,

We've had a couple great weekends in a row.  The weekend before last we all went ziplining with the Evanses and went fourwheeling at the cabin.  This last weekend we shot off rockets in the church parking lot and went camping in the backyard.  Some might consider us dumb for involving our 4 year old and two 3 year old in such activities, and maybe we are.  The simple truth is that we love being together, so if it is possible to be together, we strive to do it!

We also try hard not to pass our fears onto you kids.  We always encourage you to be cautious, but brave, and we try to help you feel what we do...that you you can do ANYthing you set your mind to if you are determined, work hard, and don't make excuses.

This weekend Noah, you made me so proud.  We were cleaning up after camping, and you picked up the stack of kid's adirondack chairs and went to put them back on the deck.  I could tell they were too heavy for you and jumped up to help you.  As I got close I decided to just stay there in case you needed help, but to let you figure it out.  You couldn't quite get on the first step, and nearly fell over as you stepped back.  You recovered, repositioned the stack, lifted as high as you could and walked forward.  the chairs hit the first step, but you maneuvered them onto the second step and got yourself onto the first step.  Your attempt to get up the last step caused you to again fall back to the grass and nearly fall down.

Then you turned, and looked at me and said something that just made me nearly tear up.  You didn't say "I can't do this".  You didn't say "I'm having a hard time".  You didn't say "Dad, why aren't you helping me?". You said, with a look of determination on your face, "Dad, will you help me put these on my head?"  I was shocked, but decided to let you try it.  I helped you get them on your head, winced a couple times when you nearly fell over, then watched you march up the stairs.  I took this picture, and then helped you lower the chairs to their final resting place.

I was proud, because you didn't give up.  I was proud because you didn't look for excuses.  I was proud because you didn't look for a handout, rather you looked for help so that you could do it.  It was like watching the Brother of Jared do everything in his power to get light in the boats, and humbly ask his Heavenly Father to help magnify his efforts.  You were brave, strong, and humble.  What a great combination of attributes!

Not long after we heard screaming from inside as you and your brother and sister ran from a moth that had gotten into our house.  You were all scared of the moth, and it is okay to be scared.  Even good to be scared sometimes.  But then, little man, you went a got a dishcloth (like you've seen me do to take out flies and such) and very tentatively faced your fear

You swung your towel cautiously at the moth, which you barely touched with the towel, and then this happened.

You jumped back as the moth fluttered across the window.

I was proud, because you didn't let yourself be controlled by your fear.  I was proud because you looked for way to conquer your fear.  I was proud because you didn't look for excuses, rather you looked for a way you could help your family.  You were brave, and still careful.  What a great combination of attributes!

In one instance you were successful in achieving your goal, in the other you weren't, but in both you showed what a wonderful character you have.  I hope you continue to develop those wonderful attributes.  You are such a good helper and such a hard worker.  You look for ways to help when Mom and I do things.  You are strong, AND humble, brave, AND careful, tough, AND sensitive and loving.  Thanks for being such a great kid.  I love you, son!

Love,
Daddydoo

How Kairotic!

Dear Calebooski,
Your mom and l had an epiphany today. You had snuck into our room when you were supposed to be napping. We responded well and as we were discussing it we were taught a new concept.  It left a profound impact on me that sent me searching for the best way to convey the idea.  My search took me back to learning about ancient Greeks,  so here we go :-)

Greek uses two words for time;  Chronos and Kairos.  Chronos refers to a specific sequence of time (this, then that, then that other thing - you know chronological!).  Chronos is very quantitative and measurable and formulaic, so you can predict the outcome more simply. A chronos day is simply 24 hours.
Kairos on the other hand is qualitative and difficult to predict. In fact,  the word is also used for weather.   Like the weather, Kairos can be partially unpredictable yet still scientific, with general unquantifiable expectations.  A kairos day would be like one of the "days" during the creation; more of a moment or period of time than a clear cut day.

To consider Kairos in conversation you must consider more than just time;  you must consider time, place, culture, mood, and audience.   You must soak it all in to best respond to that specific kairotic moment.

Last week your Mom and I flew to Portland. After landing, your Mom went into the restroom and I sat on a bench to get connected to Wi-fi so I could start the Navigation program on my phone to help us get to Ashland.  I heard someone emptying the garbage can next to me but chose to keep doing what I was doing.

As I continued working on my phone I could hear the janitor mumbling about people being on their phones and not knowing what was going on around them. "Excuse me?" , I said. "I'm not talking to you." she declared even though no one else was close by. I chuckled to myself and continued working on my phone. She proceeded to wipe off the tables and mutter about phones and airport patrons.

She struck a nerve in me when she started talking about how spoiled and privileged "they" are and how oblivious and rude "they" are. I stood up and confronted her. I justified my phone usage , explained that I definitely did NOT come from privilege , and how I didn't appreciate how rude she was.

About that "Chronos" time, your Mom came out and I strutted off with her, satisfied that I hadn't sat idly by to be undeservedly abused. As we walked towards the exit I regaled your Mom with my story of heroism, even though I had just taken a kairotic moment and used it to tear someone down.

Each morning we should expect to be encountered with a handful or more kairotic moments that day, and prepare ourselves mentally to deal with them. How will you handle those moments? Will you use them to break down relationships, destroy confidences , and pridefully offend others? Or will you use those special opportunities to build love and trust? uplift and grow? show compassion and inspire?

Thankfully we are children of a God who chooses the latter at those kairotic moments. Thankfully he sees the "Kairos" now in the middle of our "Chronos" now. And thankfully he will sometimes even give us a second chance at a Kairotic moment, like he did with me and the janitor.

A couple minutes later I looked around and realized I was going deeper into the terminal instead of towards the exits. I Mentioned to Your Mom the irony that I was so involved with my phone I was oblivious to where I was walking. We turned around and I was determined in my mind to avoid going near that mean old lady as I sheepishly passed by.

Then I stated to think about how rude I was to her. I started to tear up a little as I talked with your Mom.  As I thought about how sad it was that I knew there was another human being a couple feet from me and I didn't even bother to raise my head and say "Hi".

Right at that perfect kairotic moment I looked into a room off to the side to see that "mean old janitor" leaning on her garbage can, sobbing.

With wet but clear eyes and a watch set to "Kairos" time I went towards her, against her demands, and gave her a big long hug. I profusely apologized for my behavior, and then listened as she shared the challenges and stresses she was facing that day and at that time in her life.

I know your Mom and I came out of that moment better than we were before, and I hope she felt loved. Now, I'll ask again, How will you handle the kairotic moments you'll face today? with your family? with your coworker? with the guy in the car next to you? with the janitor you see in the mall's food court?